When You Feel Like Giving Up on Love

There’s a place I’ve found myself in at times, and I hear it from a lot of women as well. It’s not dramatic or emotional anymore. It’s quieter than that. More like a subtle shift where you start thinking, maybe I don’t actually want this. Maybe I’m just done with dating.

And yet, if I’m really honest, there’s still something there.

I don’t think most women lose the desire for connection. I think wanting something you can’t control simply becomes exhausting. You can’t force it, you can’t plan it, and at some point it feels easier to just focus on other things and move on. But that doesn’t mean the desire is gone.

So a question I keep coming back to is: do I actually still want this? Not what I should want, not what makes sense — just the honest answer. And if that answer is yes, even quietly, then that matters.

A lot of dating advice keeps your attention on what’s wrong — red flags, past patterns, what to avoid. And while that can feel useful, it often just reinforces the same experience. You keep seeing what you’re already expecting to see.

What shifted something for me was much simpler. Instead of focusing on what isn’t working, getting clear on what I actually want to experience — and staying with that. Not forcing anything, but also not shutting it down.

The hardest part is the in-between. That space where you’re no longer in the old patterns, but the new experience isn’t fully there yet. It can feel frustrating, but it’s also where things start to change.

And that’s really what this conversation with Jennifer kept circling back to — how much of our experience comes down to what we’re tuned into, how we show up, and what we’re available for.

We also went into some more practical and, at times, uncomfortable territory — from how dating apps are designed, to the roles we slip into without noticing, to what actually shifts the dynamic between men and women.

But underneath all of that is this one piece:

If you still want it, even quietly, then maybe the move isn’t to give up on it — but to approach it differently.

CURIOUS TO EXPLORE THIS FURTHER?

If this way of looking at relationships resonates with you, Jennifer goes much deeper into these ideas in her program Hungry For More.

In the course she shares the full framework she mentioned in our conversation — including the dating roadmap, neural desire mapping, and practical tools to help women approach dating with more clarity and confidence.

You can learn more about the program here:

https://www.jennifervanallen.com/hungry-for-more
Use code: PATRICIABOHL

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